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Humorous Dictionary

Clever definitions of words we all use.
Jokes
Definitions Of The Obvious
ABDICATE: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
ABSENTEE: A missing golfing accessory.
ACOUSTIC: An instrument used in shooting pool.
ACCRUE: People who work on a ship.
ADAMANT: The very first Insect.
ADORABLE: What you ring when you go visiting.
ALARMS: What an octopus is.
ALIMONY: The High Cost Of Leaving.
ALIMONY: The Fee A Woman Charges For Name-Dropping.
ANTIDOTE: The reason Mom's Sister keeps hugging you every time she can catch you.
ANTELOPE: Why Grandpa won't forgive Uncle!
ANTISOCIAL: Mother's sister being friendly.
ANTE MEREDIEM: Thata's why he's my Uncle.
ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work for McDonald's.
ARCHAEOLOGIST: A man whose career lies in ruins.
ARTERY: Study of paintings.
ASPIRE: Where dead donkeys are cremated.
ATLAS: Finally
AUSTRALIAN KISS: Same as French Kiss, ... only down under!
AVAIL: Piece of cloth that stops woman from looking so ugly.
AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.
BACTERIA: The rear entrance to a cafeteria.
BARIUM: What doctors do when treatment fails.
BIOLOGY: Study of shopping habits.
BIPLANE: The advice I got from my mother on purchasing underwear.
BOYCOTT: His crib.... not hers!
BRIDGE: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband's bidding
BROADBAND: An all girl musical group.
BRUISE LEE: Inept martial-arts student.
BUDGET: An attempt to live below your yearnings.
BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.
CAESAREAN SECTION: District in Rome.
CANTALOUPE: Got to get married in Church.
CARNATION: Country where everybody has a four wheeler.
CARAMEL: A motorized camel!
CAUTERIZE: Made eye contact with her.
CHOOSY BLONDE: One for whom a Tom or a Harry won't do !
CIRCUMVENT: The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
CISTERN: Opposite of brothern.
CLIMATE: The only thing you can do with a ladder.
COFFEE: A person who is coughed upon.
CIONSIDE: What most people do when it rains.
CONSCIENCE: The thing which hurts when everything else feels good.
CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
COUNTERFEITER: Worker who puts together kitchen cabinets.
CROSS-EYED TEACHER: A teacher that loses control over her pupils.
CROWBAR: Where birds can get a drink.
DAMNATION: Beaver country.
DANCE: Vertical expression of a horizontal idea.
DARE: Not here.
DEBUT: De part of the body you must park to be seated.
DECAGON: De way you explain how your vehicle was a total washout in an accident.
DECAY: De letter which comes after de J.
DECLINE: Nudists in formation.
DENTIST: A magician who puts metal into your mouth, and pulls coins out of your pocket.
DEPTH: Height turned upside down.
DILATE: To live long.
DISGUISE: Such pains. Always troubling dismisses.
DINOSAUR: How a giant lizard feels after a tough workout.
DISNEYLAND: A people trap operated by a mouse.
DOGMA: Affectionate parent of the little s.o.b.
DOGMATIC: Run by canine power.
DONKEY: Instrument to get you into the godfather's house
ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
ECONOMIST: A person who knows more about money than people who have it.
EJACULATE (e-jac-u-late): Jill greeting her boyfriend and informing him he's been tardy again.
ENEMA: Not a friend.
EYEDROPPER: A clumsy opthalmologist.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FIBULA: A small lie.
FICTION: The story told by a completed Income Tax Form !
FINITE: Sir Lancelot.
FLATULENCE: The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
FOBIA: The fear of misspelled words.
FORUM: In favor of drinking Bacardi.
GARGOYLE: An olive flavored mouthwash.
GINGER ALE: A drink that feels like your foot when it goes to sleep.
GOLD-DIGGER: A sweet young girl with the gift of the grab!
HABITUATE: Disgusting Mannerisms.... Smoking for example.
HANGING: A suspended sentence.
HATCHET: What a hen does to an egg.
HEROES: What a guy in a canoe does.
HUMBUG: A singing cockroach.
ILLEGAL: A sick bird.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INFANTRY: A sapling.
INFORMATION: How ducks are supposed to fly!
INKLING: A baby fountain pen!
INTENSE: Where campers sleep.
JOKEY: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth.
KIDNEY: Midpoint of a child's leg.
LEFT BANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
LOCOMOTIVE: A crazy reason.
LYMPH: To walk with a lisp.
MISTY: How golfers create divots.
MORBID: Higher offer
MUCUS: A cat swear word.
MUNCHKIN: What cannibals do to relatives.
NITRATE: Cheaper than day rate.
NODE: Was aware of.
OUTPATIENT: Person who has fainted after seeing a Doctor's bill.
OYSTER: A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
PARADOX: Two physicians.
PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
PARKING LOT: A place where arguments start from scratch.
PECAN: A container to urinate in.
PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.
POLARIZE: What penguins see with.
POLYGON: Who left the cage door open?
POST OPERATIVE: Letter carrier.
POTASH: All that's left after you smoke the joint.
PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
PROTEIN: Favoring young people.
PSYCHO-CERAMICS: The study of crackpots.
RAMPAGE: Section of a book about male sheep.
RATIFY: To use a spell and turn a person into a rodent.
REALM: To be charitable ... once again!
REBEL: What you have to do when kids don't come to class when first called.
RECOUNT: Honorary Title reaffirmed by Floridans.
RECOVERY ROOM: Place to do upholstery.
RECTANGLE: What the fisherman was left with after his brush with Moby Dick.
RECTITUDE: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
RECTUM: It almost killed him.
REDUCE: A messed up point in Tennis, when you were on 'Advantage'.
REGATTA: Where the drunkard found himself tonight ... again!
RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.
RENDER: The Animals that draw Santa's carriage.
ROMAN: What you need to do to win the Regatta.
RUBBERNECK: What tou can do to relax your wife.
SAUNA BATH: A slimming pool.
SEAMSTRESS: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6.
SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.
SUBDUED: A guy that works on submarines.
TERMINAL ILLNESS: Sickness at an airport.
TESTICLE: A humorous question on an exam.
TREASON: What the acorn is to the oak.
TUMOR: An extra pair.
URINE: Opposite of "you're out"!
VARICOSE: Located nearby.
WHOLESOME: The only thing from which you can take the whole and still have some left.
WISE-CRACK: A comedian with a PHD.
YANKEE: The same as a quickie, ...but you can do it by yourself!
ZEBRA: Ze cloth which covers ze breasts!